Fort Tilden (2014)

Directed by: Sarah-Violet Bliss, Charles Rogers
Country: USA

Movie Review: Even understanding the motivation and intentions of the filmmakers who plunge into this very New Yorker microbudget mockery, I couldn’t avoid being stupefied by its pathetic occurrences and futile tones. The story follows two roommates, Allie (Clare McNulty) and Harper (Bridey Elliott), who dwell in a fantastic apartment (the best the film can present in terms of visuals) of the trendiest Brooklyn's neighborhood, Williamsburg. Both are very competitive in terms of men, and their conversations resume to stupid sex jokes about the perfect dick and what they’re thinking to do with their vaginas. Apart from this humdrum, we follow the two clumsy protagonists in their interminable trip to Fort Tilden where they are supposed to join two young men they had met at a rooftop party. Along the way, the spoiled daddy’s girl, Harper, pays everything by check, including an iced coffee bought in a bodega located in the same ghetto where a kid steals the bike Allie had borrowed from her weirdo neighbor. The same Allie is having problems with the Peace Corp.’s chief after she has skipped work due to a faked sickness, compromising her planned trip to Liberia. There’s still time for a cranky cab trip where the Indian driver dumps them in the middle of nowhere when he finds out that Harper’s father is an executive shark operating in India. At the beginning of their adventure, Harper states that there’s nothing better than biking through the streets of Brooklyn in order to bring fresh air and fresh ideas. Well, those are attributes that “Fort Tilden” definitely doesn’t deliver because its script is not just weak, it’s vulgar! The writers/directors, Sarah-Violet Bliss and Charles Rogers, making their debut on feature film, gave life to two characters that speak, act, and think as children. The film’s climax couldn’t be more basic than Harper attempting to rape a teen guy in the freezing sea. It could have been funny, but redundancy prevails over wit.